I can feel it coming again. I've grown so familiar with the pain and sorrow over the years. I can feel the shifting of chemicals in my body and mind. I can feel that same depression being cooked up like an alchemic recipie.

I'm not depressed right now, but like I said I can tell it's coming. I dread it... I love it too, I guess. In my studies of psychology, I found that there are cases where people have dealt with depression so long that they no longer know how to function without it. I think I'm one of those people. I've been dealing with this kind of existence since I was 12. More than half my life has been spent spiraling like a yo-yo up and down through depression and "good days". Up... and down again. I can't stop it from coming, I haven't learned how to cope with it yet, I just endure it. On at least one occassion I couldn't even do that...

*sigh* There's no sympathy, no mercy, nor forgiveness for creatures like me. Despite it all though... reguardless that I always face it alone... I still have a good heart. Just because I can't find mercy or compassion, doesn't mean that I'd balance it out by being merciless or hateful towards others. In fact, I aim to exactly the opposite. Evil can never be defeated through revenge or retribution. I do a little part to defeat evil by turning hate and anger into kindness and love.

I do my best. I try hard to be a good man... and at the bare minimum I just try to be a man. No real man would ever hurt anyone. There is no such thing as a justified cause for hurting another living being. Maybe I'm a stupid idealist, but I do believe in a better world. I believe that one day we can rid ourselves of things such as weapons and anti-personel devices.

Here's a first step idea: Only those who have BEEN in war, should be allowed to vote for us to GO to war. Those loved veterans whom have suffered the attorcities of battle, those who are wise to the evils of violent confrontation, only they that have shed blood... should be allowed to ask the future generation to shed blood again. This is to prevent daddy's little spoiled rich girls and boys who sit in the luxary of white collardom to send out the poor to war for their own selfish profiteering and greed. Those who do not know what it is to lose friends, comrades, or even their own body parts... have no business forcing others to do what they have not. Just an idea folks. The idea, is that those who go to war... do so, in order to prevent unnecessary war.

Do you think I'd make a good president?