I'm doing much better today. I'm done stressing over people who can't accept what I am, who I am, what I've become, where I'm going, or how I'm doing it all. I had great friends that lasted many years. For that I am thankful. They helped me through some of the hardest times imgineable... maybe not by you, but by those like me who suffer to the full meaning of the word. Things are going well with my gf again, at least for the time being. I think it's finally sinking in to her mind... what I am. I don't know much about the future. Sometimes I can see it as clear as day, but I still never understand it. I figured out what I have to do... now it's only a question of surviving it. My resolve is no less than it has ever been, yet the pain grows.

I think the thing I'm most unsure about... is... well now that I think about, I'm a very confident man now. I know what I have to do; I know that I WILL endure it; I know why I have to do it. When is never an issue as time is an irrelevant concept of man. Things only take as long as they must. We mortals do not have the power to push events faster than fate will allow. So... where ever my Dark Princess is, she's growing into the young lady I'm waiting for, just as I am still growing into the thing she needs most. I'm getting good sexual experience XD; I'm self educated; I'm Hot... let's face it. I'm not saying that from an egotistical viewpoint either. I've never been... well maybe a bit of a meglomaniac. I figured it out through logic. If I wasn't hot, why would men and women alike go to tanning salons an use fake-n-bake chemicals to make their skin look the color of mine? Why would celebrities and idols use volumizers, dyes, countless treatments, and spend so much of their dishonestly earned cash to get hair like mine? Why would Hollywood feature and idolize facial structures like mine? Why do the women always give me the eyes where ever I go? Why would the men be spiteful and threatened by a man of as small stature and declared weakness of someone like me? (For those of you wondering, I'm 5'5 120lbs) Why in god's name would the greatest of minds seem so trivial and idiotic in my eyes? Do you have any answers? I'll tell you; it's because I'm better than they are. I was made to be a perfect specimen nay a very testament to our species in all its glorius capacities. The Germans had it wrong, it's not Blonde hair and Blue eyes and a herculian stature that make a perfect soldier... it's a normal man, with eyes that can strike fear into his enemies by piecing their very weak willed souls to the core. It's a visage of something forboding shrouded behind a curtain of dark hair. It's someone small and stealthy so that the enemy may never know what hit them. It's someone of deceptive power. You will never see another like me. You may see a man with physical features like mine... maybe. Yet you'll never feel the presence or the subconscious fear of anyone more sinister. Whever I go, I get looks for various reasons. They all add up to one thing... I will be noticed, and I will make you think twice. I am great, because I was BORN great. I was BUILT great. I was Destined for Greatness. However, ... our definition of greatness differs. I sit quietly in whatever spot I call home... waiting, brooding, growing. I will not be president. I will not be a noble prize winning scientist. I will not have a PHD. I will have the respect of everyone who meets me. Can you say the same? That is why I am better than the average man. That is why I am something that no one else can be. My name is only a designation. Your creeds are only words. My essence is eternal. And I will be back... every single civilization. Why I'm here is none of your concern, but you may know it anyway: I am here for my Dark Princess. I exist only for her and to provide her a means by which her will is done. So if you see her... let her know where I can be found. If you see her, make sure she is appeased with you; for God himself nor any deity or demon will save your soul from me should she want you destroyed.
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I'm leaving Last Chaos. It was a fun MMORPG for a while. I got to level 31, but I still couldn't prestige class cause no one told me about the small requirement of having max Mana Break. I was a crafting oriented character. None of the enemies till that point used magic so why the hell would I have put my hard earned skill points into something I wasn't going to use withint he forseeble future?! I went to a good free mmo listing site to look for a new game. I looked at the review for Last Chaos, and it nailed it on the head perfectly. While it was a decent free mmo, there was no real charcter customization. Everyone looked the fucking same. I was mistaken several times for others of similiar names. The grind was tedious and long. (For those of you unfamiliar with MMOs "Grinding" is the part of the game where you systematically hack and slash enemies to level up or otherwise earn points for skills) It seemed like no matter how high of a level I got, I needed to be higher level to do something worth a damn. Something actually fun. There weren't very many quests and the help menu was idiotic at best. The same place would have three different spellings: one that the NPCs said, One on the Map, and a different one when you actually got there. I'm not a fan of Grinding. I love character building. I love being unique and different from the other wannabes. I love individuality and quests. Why cause being an individual just kicks ass, people admire your style and then try their asses off to copy it. I love quests so that way I don't have to actually play them game with a bunch of tards and n00bs. I don't play MMOs to make friends or socialize, that's just a nice biproduct. I play MMOs because I actually like the feeling I get by seeing others running around. It seems to bring the world more to life. Anywho, after reading a few reviews and finding out the gamer journalist who wrote them has very similar views to my own. So I found a higher rated game with a description that better fits my gaming style. It's called Perfect World (International version). Apparently this game focuses alot on individuality. Every one can look completely badass in their own way. The game is quest oriented so I can spend hours on quests achieving actual fucking goals rather than leveling up for the sake of being high level. The level are gained slowly so you won't have a bunch of high level n00bs running around with god characters while you're still grinding your way to a decent level. And it's not a WoW clone. I've heard only great things about WoW, but I've seen too many lives destroyed by it, so I'm staying the fuck away from it. I'm easily addicted to things that I find amusing with good replay value... like wiid . Come on they make a good pair you know you want to. Ok ignore the pun then XD. Anywho, there are a ton of fucking mounts in this game. Hell in the video I saw like 6 badass ones. I enjoy the smaller and more amusing pets so I'm sure there are a ton of pets and mounts I'll like. In the game you can own a house and make it Faaabulllous XD lmfao. I'll admit it, I enjoy having a digital house that I can make look comfortable and stylish. It even serves a purpose or two. I don't know what, but at least I know you can get Married in the game. I'm a lonely nerd with fantasies of commitment. Having a fabulous house and a gorgeous wife are so romantic, but I won't commit in real life cause I'm on a real quest to find my real Princess. So... this game sounds like it'll be a bit more my style than Last Chaos. I'm so going to find a hot NPC chick I can marry. And no, I'm not going to marry my girlfriend in the game. One, I doubt she'll download and play the game cause it's almost a 20 hour download and she just started WoW. And two, that's just sappy. If I'm not going to marry her in real life, why would I fantasize in game about it? Hell no... I can have more fun with an NPC that ain't gonna talk back or want my good equipment and shit.

So that's why I'm on here ranting my black little heart out. I'm still downloading the damn game. Luckily they had a torrent of it on the homepage, so I'm getting it quicker that way... sad that it's still a 20 hour download. It's only like 2 gigs, but we got some package deal with their cable provider but it's not the good deal. SO we got shitty bandwidth.
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I've stopped writing my book already. I was going to write it about a charcter based on my friend Bob, but since they pretty much disowned me and were my motivation to begin with, I've really lost the drive to even fucking start it. I still want to write, but I have no clue as to about what now. I still have a hankering for art, but I just can't seem to do any with this shitty laptop. I need a Desktop computer again. I don't want one of those shitty briefcase sized laptop "desktop replacements" either. I want an old fashioned Super tower the size of a god damn recliner.
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Well, I've been afk for a couple of hours smack ass in the middle of a journal again. Gf and I put a harness on the bunny now that she's finally grown into. I took her out and wlked her around the yard. It's really the first time she's ever been outside, let alone able to move in an area bigger than a 3 by 3. She did well. Didn't wanna move around at first, but I gave er a little nudge here and there to keep her moving. I'm very good with animals and basic training. She had fun sniffing everything and noming on new plants of sorts. She seemed fascinated by the tree in particular. She understood the limitations of a leash. I let her go a bit under the house, but no more than a foot or two where I could see her and wouldn't have to detangle the leash. She was freaked out by a passing car. She was mellow and serene then her eyes nearly popped out of her head. She never saw what it was, just heard a noise and turned. This is a place with a big yard. Poor thing is so used to a small cage that I actually had to pick her up to go more than 3 feet from the porch. Afterward she covered a good 10 by 10 area on her own. She was so cute in her sparkly pink harness. It has a tiny bell I guess just in case she ever gets away with the leash; at least I'd be able to track her down. Like all eattin rabbits her running skills have been retarded(proper useage of the word) a bit, so I could easily out run her anyway. Like all kids in a new fun place she didn't want to go back inside. Razorclawed the shit out of me. I took it the first time, but smacked her the second time. She didn't do that shit again. Worst thng about a struggling bunny is that she's shedding. I go coated in fluff.

After that... uhh... shit I forget what all I did. I washed the dishes of my own accord. Gross, but I'm getting over it. The baby's stuff wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I was expecting old milk small and gunk. Nope, just a good rinse and bottle-scrubber scrub. I just got out of the shower... ... oh yeah I was hungry. I'll be taking care of that shortly.

I feel pretty good right now for some reason. Anyone have any insight as to why that may be? I noticed everytime I do dishes or chores my mind wanders to mad places and spiteful memories/fantasies. Knowing that I kept trying to think of a happy place. That shit didn't work. Maybe it helped though.

So... oh yeah hungry... afk again. --- --- Got me a cold mountain dew and a cup'o instant noodles. Can any tell me why the hell it's foamy? Noodles ain't supposed to be foamy. Chicken ain't my favorite flavor either, but I's hungry. It tastes like the time I bit my dog. Anyone else like eatting raw dehydrated peas? I pick those out of the cup befor I put water in'em. I like the crunchy vegetableness. I got a dehydator so I may buy a bag of peas and make some. I 'll probably toast them after the dehydrat'n process to get'em crunchier too.

GOT DAMN Dog shit in my room. I was sittin here eattin my dog noodles and looked over and sawa pile of shit. Didn't see it when I first came in here. Stupid muts should know better than to shit in my territory. I'm always an alpha no matters where I is or whose there dammit. These dogs recognize that, all dogs will recognize it eventually. My most beloved dog Goliath was as big as I was when we had him. He and I were like brother really. We go into a good scuffle on the living room floor one day. I'm an animal so we were fightin like a pair of dogs. He started getting too rough. I tried to calm downa bit and he snagged me good so we jumped back intot he fray rougher. Eventually knocked his big ass over an bit the shit out of his leg. He yelped then stopped and looked at me funny. That was the exac moment when he learned I was the dominant one. My dad was the "king of castle" as he alway put it, but I was always his enforcer; weither it be with sisters or anything else. That's what an eldest son is for.

I Love Akita hybrids, so likely I'll own one some day and At some point we'll get into a scuffle and I will bite them. When I bit Goliath I think he yelped out of surprise. I didn't bite him hard, just enough to let him know I did. He sat up and I'll never forget that look. He titled his head and everything. I think he yelped out of surprise that bit him lol. I think he knew dogs bite cause that's their natural prefer weapon, but Up till that point I don't think he knew people could XD. My dad never bit him, only beat his ass with the belt. He was just another kid to my dad. He got in trouble for running off just like we did. He got away with breaking more shit though ... except the furniture. We always had shitty furniture so no one was allowed to mess up what we had left. Poor dog I remember one this one time. We had replaced the old wooden fence (cause it was dilapidated and he was getting big enough to jump it) with an 8ft steel chainlink fence. The first time Goliath jumped it onto the car and got out. The second time the car wasn't there and he just went over the fence anyway. The alley was a little entrenched as to keep the neighborhood yeards from flooding. So he droped a good 9 ft and smacked into the concrete. No one saw it, but it was only about 5 minutes since we'd let him out to the back yard. We heard a scratching at the door. We open it up and he limped in and laid down. lol Poor thing. He never did that shit again.

I've always believed that had we let him out intot he front yard more often without a lesh he would have been content most of the time to not run off. Thing about Akitas though is they were breed in China. The hybrids were naturally bred to hunt black bear. A pair of Akitas could take down a full grown black bear without a scratch. So it was only instinct that he didn't like black people. We're really not a racist family despite the amount of racial slurs and jokes we make. We mostly tell them to the friends they apply to. We all trade honkey/cracker jokes, chinks/slant-eyed anicdotes, Mescan(Mexican)/wetback, Black/ darky, Jews...Jews... XD What we didn't really know many jokes using the proper racial slurs for them. Hell I'm circumcized. I got Black cousins, I got Mexican cousins, We are a very free loving family tree... we are so free loving that we love the dumb shit racists say out of ignorance. Have you ever listened to these people?! It's funny cause it's retarded shit! KKK, Black Panthers, Mexican Mafia... Evangelical Christian Fundamentalists They all have hatreds of one another for no other reason than they're different, except that they were all raised the same... to discriminate. I've had gay and lesbian friends... hell I've been attracted to a couple of guys myself. The fact that we're all different is why I love these groups. We wouldn't have gameboy, nintendo, sony playstation, ect... if we didn't have the technical expertise of our yellow bretheren. We wouldn't have as rich an American culture if it weren't for black people. Their way of life gave way for Eminem shit. Mexicans practially built the structures of our civilization. You don't see many Hungarian road construction crews do you? You don't see many Eskimo rappers do you? That would be great though wouldn't it. I preech that I hate people alot. I Love cultures and groups... I just really hate individual people alot. So if I ever said anything mean or otherwise derogatory that you felt included in... I'm really sorry, and I mean that. I'm sure we'd get along great... you're here aren't you? If you've read this far it's probably cause I amuse you... that or you feel sorry for me. I don't blame you though. I am a pitiful creatre sometimes. "So full of Angst" -Mega Tokyo web comic

Damn the juice of these dog noodles sucks so bad. I'm eatting it cause I'm hungry. I'm Nobility dammit!! I should be eatting figs, olives, dates, cheese and other simple yet fine foods. I love seafood!! There's tons of it, but I never get to eat any! I was raised by a country father (Not redneck, just country; you'll learn the difference if you ever come to Texas) So we ate primarily BEEEEF! MEEEAT!! Good MEAT!! *sigh* My dad was born and raised middle class. I was born Noble, but raised low to middleclass. God I loath this life. It's not my parents' fault. They can't help being peseants. Most people can't help being peseants... I'm just a little different. I have a greater appreciation for the small refinities like caviar, exotic cheeses, classical music, and the like. Most wealthy people aren't rich, they just have lots of money. They live spoiled. The eat those things because it's fashionable for their caste. Ettiquette was taught to them for large sums of money. I was ingrained with the desire to be refined and thus self educated for my own benefit. Don't get me wrong, I still was raised in Texas so I retain a good portion of grotesque mannerisms, but I think in the long run it helps me relate to people better. I don't want my children to attend private schools. Public schools and community colleges will be good for them. They learn better social antics from the brutality and roughness of poor schools. They'll make real friends instead of economic allies.

Anywho, enough of my prissy bullshit. I'm sure no one wants to hear about that stuff anyway. To those of you who can relate to the loathing of common barbarism, I applaude you and wish we could hang out someday. To those of you scratching your butts right now... more power to you. You are lucky to not have unmet needs such as these.

So... I finished my cup'o'noodles that tasted like dog. I saved my Mountain Dew to wash the taste out of my mouth. Man I wish I had Guitar Hero Metallica. I used to be the bomb at Hero/Rockband. I was aimming for the Youtube club of Expert Dragonforce-Through Fire and Flame. I used to be able to beat Hard causually whenever I felt like it and waas well on my way to beating Expert. I just couldn't get through the intro. In practice mode I could do the rest of the song well enough, but I just couldn't... *sigh*. I tried the two hands thing for the hammer-ons but they'ed get in each others' way. I couldn't move my pinky fast enough to do it one handed either. If I could have just survived through the intro I would have been content having been made fun of on youtube for just sucking at it, but at least I would have been part of the club for beating it. I quit cause I don't own GH 3. My Guitar is old and busted. The wammy bar wore out from useage. I used to rock out on almost every long note. I never turned the bar away like the kids who break the wal-mart guitars either. I kept it right and used it alot. It just fucking wore out and I was too poor to get another. A friend had given me his old one when he got a wireless control, but I eventually wore out the wammy on that one too. He hated me for my mad skills. By the time he beat Through Fire and Flame on medium he was so proud of himself. I didn't WANT to show him up, I was just better at it on a harder difficulty... Hard actually. I could beat it causually whereas he had to strugle through medium. I give him props though cause he was the only one out of our circle who could beat the song on medium at all. Most of our friends played on light medium and mostly easy. Nothing wrong with that. They just weren't gamers like me and Jason. Jason just wasn't a life long 1337 gamer like me. My friends Bob and Jacob booed me so bad last week for using the terms 1337 and n00b... that's cause they were just non 1337 n00bs. They said no one uses those terms anymore. The only people who don't are the ones who never were to begin with. It's dorks like them that invented leetspeak. That was so fucking annoying. I'm glad that shit finally died off. Those are also the people who came up with "Pwned!!" So you think that some duche bag's typo of "Owned" was cool? Wow... just fucking wow... That was so lame. I never told people I Owned them in the first place. I fucking kicked your ass okay... since you can't beat someone else that bad... and make them feel like such a loser... they came up with owned. You people should never have challenged the greats, the Original Gamers, the fucking Mac Daddys of gaming... to begin with. And people like me don't tend to show off, and rarely do we do it to make others look bad. It's only when stupid kiddy gamers run their mouths off that we have to make examples of them.... To remind everyone around that was watching what happens when you play with FiIIIREEE!!! You guys know who you are out there; both the examples and the greats. You remeber quite well if you were someone who got made a BITCH in front of a group of people whom you once had the respect from... till you ran your n00b mouth. You moved to a new location didn't you... you made new friends, made a new image... and tried to make them look as bad as you did that time... you couldn't could you. So you made up a word instead... you may have "Owned" or even "Pwned" them, but you never beat their asses as bad as that day did you? You can cry, let it out. Someone like me hurt you didn't they? They ruined your reputation didn't they. They turned you from the super socialite to a mutated freak... they made you their BITCH didn't they? Don't mess with us OGs... it ain't healthy. ROTFLMFAO (Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Fucking Ass Off!!!) I've done my share of making examples of people like you guys. You know who you are... and right now at this very moment that you're reading this... one us is also reading it... chuckling their heads off cause they know about guys like you. We broke you and then MADE YOU who you are now... a crying little bitch BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

I know that was spiteful guys. I'm in a good mood though. I find amusement in the pain of the big mouths. That's why I don't fight... it's why people don't wanna fight me. They may want to, they may think about it, they may even work up the nerve to... then... They Think Twice. If you're not either of those people... perhaps you saw it happen. Perhaps it was your buddy who got made into an example. Maybe it was your arch enemy and you reveled in his humiliating defeat at the hands of another. Watch out... never let your mouth run... cause it'll eventually run smack ass into one of us. Then...

With that said, I never rub it in the faces of the defeated. The best thing you can do when that happens, it to be a graceful loser. If you think you're one of us... Be a graceful winner. Cause you may end up on the opposite end of the defeate if you let your head get too big. I've been defeated. None of us are 100% invincible. maybe 99% 99.99999% even, but if you let it go to your head... you'll put yourself too high... and you'll fall that much further when it happens to you. Help your buddies get better. If they can ever beat you... you get the glory of having been the master of a great. People may not remember you; like who remembers who taught Elvis or Michael Jackson? They cirtaintly weren't born knowing how to do what they did, they just had natural talent. They were born great, but they practised in order to BE great.

I'm done ranting. This shit is two journals worth now. I'm sure you've seen major mood swings as well as a documentary of how my day could go. If you made it this far... go play. Go outside... I'm gonna go score a dub probably today if not then sometime this week. So go have fun in the way you do it best. Be sure to download Perfect World: International version and look me up. I'll be DarkLord75253. Just mention DeviantArt and we'll automatically be friends. I'll probably give you shit. And nerdlings... keep hope, there are some ubber hot chicks that love nerds and gamers. Even if you don't think mine is sexy as hell there WILL be a girl that you'd be willing to give up your computer for. Since she'll be a gamer too, you won't have to. Sex three times a day or more. It's real.